Co-Parenting with the one you hate

A good parent is..

Is the best way to ensure your children’s needs are met and they are able to retain close relationships with both parents? Trusted mental, emotional and social health issues.

Relationships general start out of the good foot, a good note, but after a period of time, some things may happen to cause you to wish you never seen that partner. Many times this rude awakening is realized after you have invested something of value in your relationship and this is why you fall out. This is why the uncomfortable feelings and they just escalate from there, if you are unable to work things out and unfortunately parenting is one of the things which must be worked out.

Co-parenting describes two parents who decided to raise their children separately, but keeping both parents involved. It used to be joint-custody. Then, how is that separate? I say, if you can be good co-parents then you can be good parents and that is all that matters. The next problem arises when one co-parent disagrees or feels they are sacrificing more than the other and wants to control, dominate, and intimidate the other into submission. If you could not make it together, how can you make it a part? This behavior can create a hostile environment, even to the point of hating each other and using the kids as a battering ram to punish each other.

Because there are so many of what we call single-parents, good co-parenting skills are required. What is the difference between that and regular parents? The government only cares that parents meet their financial obligations to children, but what with parenting do meeting financial obligations have to do? This has made divorce and raising children Big Business and everyone uses it to profit.

Why does one parent appear to be so pleased with paying child support? Why would a child hold your inability to pay against you, why would anyone? This is another time-bomb waiting to explode.

I know of situations where parents, well meaning parents have spent their entire lives getting even and even today they carry on these feuds over nothing. Even though they pretend they care, they do not care about the kids, as much as they care about punishing each other. In many cases the kids use these feuds to their own advantage.  They take sides with one parent, discrediting and denying the other, but they do not want you to do the same, so they know.

There is something about these kids growing up in a "serious state of denial", not willing to sacrifice, and this undesirable pattern being repeated. They too easily give up on themselves.

Now, what difference does this makes when both partners are your parents? Why does not one child utilize wisdom to help make peace, unity and help diffuse the situation? Why does not one parent use their abilities to listen and problem solve? Children take on characteristics of their environment and if relationships are strained, they often take on the feuds of their parents. You cannot force anyone to do shit and if you do, then you must keep it up.

Co-parenting of joint custody lends the notion; if you cannot be good parents one way, then try the other. It takes away the notion of good parents being “learned behaviors” to trusted mental, emotional and social health. Separated or together parents must be together, just like any other family, country, community, if you want to be these things. This is the “I” in team.

If we cannot get along as a community, church, country... how in the hell can we get along as co-parents. The shit is all tied together and that is what we should be instead of dividing. If you are proving joint custody a success, then what are you teaching about marriage? Here I am reminded of the drugs we give kids in school to help them learn and keep them from being a distraction. Where is the example? Then, why do not we all just co-parent and skip all the marriage bullshit? Does not this tell you there is something terribly wrong with the way we do business?

Co-parenting with the one you hate is futile and meeting or failing to meet financial obligations has nothing to do with caring. Caring, not co-parenting is the key to it all. Co-parenting with a spouse not willing to negotiate is just as futile as avoiding unity and the bad marriage. Unity is the glue that binds us all together, like it or not and where can you run or learn from your mistakes? Money does not matter but lives do. The sacrifices we make for those we love counts most and they cannot be forced but shared.

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