Loving Me

by Deborah White
(San Francisco, CA)

My journey of self discovery has me laughing not at me with me, you see my mother left me precious gift her "frozen smile" and I set out to find out why she was smiling and what saw, I am 56 year old woman and I like the way I look pretty unique one of my best figures is my eyes, as child I though they were big, some I going make them smaller lol, I have great smile, my journey, my experience lord where start,

Loving me with all my complexities embracing all me I face myself in mirror with one closed eye and know I wanted open my eyes, I am going through process with God, it lot work, yet I stay with flow even I flow path from time to time you know like joker, lol. God bring right back for lessons Oh God lessons, hmmn, I know God love me, yes God and I are friends, my father, my mother, my partner, my lover yes God is all those thing and more, he comes to me in dark, in path, I dangle in darknes of darkness I said God please let me out here, I seen the evil, I don't care what anyone say there is devil, causes he came to me while I sleep seduce me, I still remember as he walk out my bedroom door, I cover my head with disbelieve, caring that image in me in my silence and until now hmm, I had vampires yes sucking me, I remember awaking up with stratches on thigh and arm which weird causes I don't have finger nail, then they like the back of my neck yes nibble on it, I sleep on back most time.

I am Art Director with complicated imagation it comes from above and within, I am passionate that's for sure, and when I wanted something I don't until get it , I funny one I on internet looking love ran to another soul, we exchanges our expression and thoughts, now there were depth, lustful moment, raw to cord and I laughing, like when think it I am laughing cause I wrote some nasty, sensual,sweet and bitter stuff and help to releases expression come in all ways just let it go help heal the wounds of life.

I am mother who is having a challenges with both my sons, yet they are wonderful souls on their path of learning, my Uzo into vampire cult yes he is and I thinking that is lesson there for him. I do love them, I am grandmother with beautiful granddaughter who innocence is being take away at such young age, I try my best abilities to be there for her, we do have strong bond, I believe she old soul, and she love her mother,Now here one for you I know in my family we vampires yes we do, my youngst have strong liking to it.

I enjoy lot things special people they turn me their difference, I love arts, traveling short or long, I always somehow get myself into drama yes all sort of drama, like now with vampires yes vampires, love all of cultures, landscapes, dancing barefoot in water, I can cook not one dish many, love photography, charcoal sketches, seatting high on mountain looking as vast of God gift to us, I love rain, I love ocean listening to it call specially after rain so fresh the smell, chasing sunrise and sunset, forest of trees, roses flowers, scent, books, writing that man I you about taught me metaphors me, I can on and on about me.

I have secrets I release them on man, I know I had shaking or let say unnerve with my words, I love our vibration were strong I found it difficult to let him go, So I went God to help me with the feeling and God to help me love with open heart, I love with depth my soul hopeless romantic and God gave me the courage to love yet it not easy that's for sure, causes I do know how run now lesson to that why I am seating here right now writing you, lol. Lesson has it ups and downs, Oh that I man love he help me find my words when couldn't, he listen to my pain and he knows my secrets not all them, I accepted all complexities light with dark, sweet with bitter yes that me as walk my path of life.