Really the question is what's the difference between a black man and any other man, especially American men? What is that difference and I ask myself that in order to learn how to get over it. Is there a difference and why? Is this White on Black rape?
What are you learning about you? How can you be such a great performer everywhere else except in your own home town? Is it because you’re not good enough or is it because they don’t want you, only your money, which you do not have? What’s the difference between and American and an African-American? Is he really African anymore than you are American? On which side of the American fence do I fight?
What, who is really holding black men back it America, is it them or our system? We take a lot of abuse, mostly overt and unspoken, and it’s for no practical reason. Black men in America are fighting an invisible foe and it’s on all fronts. Is any of it self-inflicted or are you doomed before you ever get started?
I was a poor performer in America. Nothing I did was good enough unless it was approved by the status quo and what was being approved I could never fit that bill. I couldn’t get the job I wanted because I wasn’t educated enough, experienced enough, therefore I had to leave my happy little home to do better by myself. There was nothing in my small little town for me and to be quite honest with you there still isn’t.
We could attend school together but could not play together in our communities, why not?
When offered the opportunity to travel to Europe, I dreaded it, was literally scared to death, but as of today I am so happy I went. Have you ever had to say “yes mam and sir” to somebody you know did not deserve it? As a matter of fact you knew them to be the scum of the earth. Ever go to nice places looking for a nice job for which you know you are truly qualified only to be told some old stupid shit like, you’re over qualified. Let’s say for every dream job for which you applied, you got the same kind of story.
At the same time, I was people who I knew to be less qualified than me get the same job. Makes you really question yourself doesn’t it? Then, you start to lie just to get a decent job and you are filled with all those realities of an evil people. Now, instead of doing your job like you’re supposed to, you are busy trying to keep beating the man. So, this working together thing can only go so far???
I carried a lot of those things I learned about myself, most of which were prejudices and especially when it came to white American women, with me to Europe only to learn they wasn’t true. It goes to show you what I was taught about myself in America was not true in the rest of the world. And when I learned better, I did better.
Even to the point of being asked my race when completing European paper work, my problem was I did not see Negro, African-American… the only block to check was American and I was too stupid to check that. What that proved to me was what they taught me about me in America was false to men and the rest of the world.