Love After Death: The Widows’ Romantic Predicaments

by Margrett Dawson Wallace
(Pelham, GA USA)


Love After Death: The Widows’ Romantic Predicaments

Why am I writing this...to help myself and other widows in the same predicaments as I.

All of us have romantic predicaments; widows (and widowers) seem to have even more. Should they actively search for another lover? And if they find another lover, while still loving their late spouse, how can these two lovers reside together in their hearts?

For widows, I ask the question…is loving again worth the effort? And is widowhood the proper time to fall in love again?

The end of love and death:

For many people, romantic love forms an essential aspect of their lives; without love, life may seem worthless, devoid of meaning. Romantic love is a central expression of a good, meaningful, and flourishing life. Without love and desire, many people feel that a large part of them is dead. The lover is perceived to be "the sunshine of my life," and for many, without such sunshine, decay and death are all around.

Death is perceived to be associated with love in various ways. Thus, romantic breakups are often described as a kind of death. At one time in my life after Robert’s death…love for me seemed dead and so unreal, all that was left was loneliness, it seemed there was nothing left to feel. It has been my inner spirit that kept me alive and giving of myself by sharing.

The widow's new romantic situation:

The death of my husband placed me in a new situation, which had similarities to other situations in which love ends; nevertheless, I learned widowhood had unique aspects. Although he is physically absent, my love for him remained and even grew. In my case, my love did not die with my husband’s death…am I looking for another Robert in my relationship with another? In my present situation, I find myself listening to my inner voice, that resorts me to tears of emotions. Is he the wrong man doing the right things…am I feeling no regrets…as Anita Baker sings about it…"Wrong Man"

I feel you moving, slipping away. I try to call, but I can't find the words to say;
My lips move but they don't make a sound, I hear your voice but you're nowhere around;
I close my eyes, I can't find my sleep. My wounds will not heal, if you cut me too deep.

My mind is strong but my spirit is weak, I got to get back on my feet.

Well, you can be so cruel… Oh, I just don't understand; Do the tears that I cry, baby Hey, does it make you feel like a man?

And I told you once, boy…Oh, baby let me tell you again You can't do right 'cause...are you the Wrong Man.

I hear you calling, but I ain't no fool, I've got to be stronger, I've got to get over you;
Each time I cry it's a sign of my pain, every tear that falls carries your name;

All I know is...it cannot go on, is everything I do for you wrong;

Ain't nothing I can say or can do, I just got to, I gotta get up child I gotta move.

Hear me baby tell me what you want me to do;
Ain't my, ain't my lovin' good enough for you?...must you resort to others?

I told you once boy, baby let me tell you again you can't do right 'cause...are you the Wrong Man’…

You know I love you sometimes it just ain't enough
And I don't wanna leave you baby but I'm giving you up;

And I told you once boy and I don't wanna tell you again You can't do right 'cause are you the wrong man; you can't do right baby.

I'd rather lose you, child, than lose my mind, yeah, I'd rather lose you then to lose my mind.


Self-Preservatop

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Mar 21, 2012
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Love After Death
by: Renenet

I feel you Margrett. After reading Art’s comment, I’d like you to take a moment to embrace yourself. Remember AA Michael is waiting to embrace you too, whenever you’re ready. Utilize his strength when needed…. Robert has never been far from your side since we are pure energy and there's really no death(I felt him) BUT if you can’t let Michael in or feel him, you won’t be able to feel or know Robert’s energy.

Mar 21, 2012
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Love After Death
by: Art

Very good and thought provoking Margrett and thank you for sharing. Here are my comments: I am sure, just like me, many others can identify, but what I say is: If one feels so, then go get in the grave with’em, (((smile)). Now, most people would view that as being very insensitive, but when you actually think about it…

We view death as something other than a form of life and that couldn’t be further from the truth. Why do we setup ourselves for failure, knowing all the time, the ones we love the most has got to go?

Whether it be a parent, child, sibling, spouse, family member or friend the inevitable is just that and no matter what you do, you can never be prepared enough – accept that.

You don’t miss the water until the well runs dry, why don’t we act like that as we live, not just towards to whom we direct our love, but to everyone? Why do we take satisfaction in killing one, but not the other? Do you know how many people die each day, just due to neglect?

Last but not least, if you don’t like the situation you’re in, just hold on because the survivor will soon be joining. So all the anguish… we build up based upon our loss is in vain, no matter how justified we may think.

What our love ones would want us to do is pick-up and carry on. Wouldn’t that be more realistic and romantic?

Relationships: Are just like anything else when you go over the line. We all do and it throws our relationship off balance. Keep it balance – communicate as you go.

Rejection, no matter how, is a bitter pill to swallow, I try to avoid it, but that has taken many years. Most often that leads to me being rejected. It has proven to be that way in every part of my family life, so by now, I am prepared as best as I can be.

Love After Death, All people...

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