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Her Marriage
A lesson learned and a bitter pill to swallow.
Part II of My Marriage
This is actually very heart wrenching and as I read Art's article, I began to have memories of my own marriage.
My first marriage was very similar. We met in college and were inseparable. When we were apart we sent letters to each other daily and cassette tapes expressing our love. I met the family during summer break, and as you would know I wasn't good enough for his Father.
We go back to school and he does the army scholarship and pledges to the fraternity PHI BETA SIGMA. I feel as though I was pledging and we shared this experience together. All the time knowing I am pregnant, and we don't know how to tell our parents. Mine sort of accepted the fact,
His made the statement, If they had known there would not have been a marriage. We get orders to leave the state, He's been commissioned. We move all the way to the other side of the US, Washington State where we know no one. Mind you, I have already been beat in the presence of my family and the arguments are fierce.
We decide if we leave our families behind, everything will be fine, I am also pregnant again with our second child and scared to death of the move.
As a military wife I rebelled. I am not your typical officer’s wife. I worked and had enlisted friends. My husband had affairs with his Secretary and even sends her to take me to work. The beatings continue, I suffered cracked ribs and a detached retina and there is no communication.
After 2 years of this, I am sent home with 2 kids, a suitcase of pampers, one with our clothes and $60.00. I did not poison my sons’ minds against their father, but the oldest remembers the beatings and is still very angry.
The husband finally decides to contact us after 12 years, but the damage was done. The son's hated him and their father wanted them to come to him, but they don't want too. They didn't know him.
Today, they have seen him as of 2 Christmases ago and their feelings are the same. He sent them cards for Christmas last year and in separate incidents they both threw them away. I try to tell them to have a conversation with their father, they say the damage has been done, and He has always known where they were.
I explained my marriage to you so you can see you are not alone with your bitter pill.
We my friend have a lot more in common than meets the eye. I must also say that the reason my ex was so violent was what he saw in his dis- functional home life and how he saw his father treat his mother. He thought it was normal. We did do the counseling thing but it did not work. I also lost the will to be intimate with him.
Children take a lot out of you and you are stretched to the limit, and sometime the husband does feel alone in his own home. If there is help from the spouse with the kids, you have more time, A date-night will help couples, by giving them quality time and bring back the romance that brought them together.
These are things I learned later in life. I could go on an on but you get the picture.
Deb
